Honestly, I am so anxious and stressed out most of the time. I don't have faith in positive outcomes. I am usually expecting the worst, on edge a lot of the time. I wish I had more faith. I wish I was certain of a higher presence guiding me, loving me, and holding me up.
I wish that in my work, I acted out of a higher sense of purpose, knowing that I am doing spiritual work by helping others. Right now, I don't feel that way. That also saddens me, because I wanted to become a doctor to achieve my highest purpose, which I believed was to help others. But, I don't feel this way anymore. Most of the time, I wonder why I went into medicine in the first place. I wish I had done something easier, less emotionally demanding, less stressful.
But, I want to be closer to God, for sure. In the midst of this busy life, I lament that I forget the larger picture, that something more beautiful than I realize exists.
What do you think?