It has been difficult watching the blossoms this spring. I feel so much frustration at not being able to grasp onto the beauty, hold it in my hands, embrace it with my whole body. Some days I wouldn't even give the blooming trees more than a passing glance, because it seemed so pointless. They were going to be gone soon anyway. And yet, I wanted to sit down and watch the branches sway and see the colors of
the flowers glow brightly in the sunlight. But, I couldn't. I was either rushing, rushing, rushing or I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy the splendor. I believed it to be apathy. Perhaps it was exhaustion...the feeling that I could never grasp all of the infinite beauty in front of my eyes leading me to give up and walk by. I am usually not that way. I have always been filled with wonderment. But lately that wonderment has been waning. I feel mentally and emotionally fatigued, just completely unable to care.

But, today, I went to the lily pond and it was so gorgeous, so splendid. The sun was glinting off of the leaves (the leaves that seem to have appeared overnight) and I was mesmerized. The cherry blossoms were falling to the ground so gracefully, like fairy wings. It wasn't long before I noticed an ant crawling under the fallen blossoms. I watched it for a while and felt connected to it. I was moved by its small size in relation to the entire universe and began to feel so protective of it that I was afraid it would be stepped on by people passing by. I was so relieved at being able to care for this creature that I nearly began to cry. I wish everyone to be able to sit in that silence and beauty for all their lives.