For the past week, it's come to my awareness that I need to be closer to God/spirit/the universe. I've realized that my life has lost its meaning in the midst of my pursuit of a medical degree and now the rigors of residency. It saddens me to think this way, but sometimes life feels so shallow, so self-centered, so finite and mundane. And I hate that.

Honestly, I am so anxious and stressed out most of the time. I don't have faith in positive outcomes. I am usually expecting the worst, on edge a lot of the time. I wish I had more faith. I wish I was certain of a higher presence guiding me, loving me, and holding me up.

I wish that in my work, I acted out of a higher sense of purpose, knowing that I am doing spiritual work by helping others. Right now, I don't feel that way. That also saddens me, because I wanted to become a doctor to achieve my highest purpose, which I believed was to help others. But, I don't feel this way anymore. Most of the time, I wonder why I went into medicine in the first place. I wish I had done something easier, less emotionally demanding, less stressful.

But, I want to be closer to God, for sure. In the midst of this busy life, I lament that I forget the larger picture, that something more beautiful than I realize exists.

What do you think?

I returned to blogger pleasantly surprised by all the marvelous template choices. Finally! So, I hope you are enjoying my new template as much as I am. I think it is pretty appropriate for fall.

I just finished my third month of Pediatrics residency. So far, so good. I am also in the midst of board studying for the 3rd and final part of the medical licensing exams. I cannot wait to get that test done with!

Hoping all is well with you.