Today was bad

For every step forward I take, for some reason, I always wind up 20 steps behind.

Coming Together

I can feel how much I am grasping, asking, needing, wanting.....to be loved. How is it that I can see so much beauty in others sometimes? I can fall so deeply into love so very quickly. I can be mesmerized by another person so easily. But then that love is never requited and I am left in sadness and despair.

On the other end, I am seeing my purpose. I am feeling it and seeing it so clearly. It is nearing. I am journeying toward it. I pray that my whole light, my whole heart be traveling with me. I see hope that I will achieve. I see hope that my heart will open more and more and more and that I will love and heal with my whole entire being, with all the goodness I possess.

Pest Issues

I keep on dreaming that there are bugs crawling all over me. It's so gross and scares the hell out of me. But, what scares me most is that I don't realize what the apparent problems are. Last night, I was trying to get a bug away from me, in the dream of course, and it bit me and I was trying desperately to get it out of my skin.

WHAT COULD IT BE????

I have to study, but all I want to do is sleep.

That is my hero. He is beautiful and inspires me so much.And I really need inspiration in my life. 

You know when you have this really funny story to tell everyone and you keep on telling it over and over?
Yeah,
Well I don't have that today.
Yup.

Sofster and Me trying out our self-photography skills.  

This is my favorite picture! I can't believe I finally get to post them. Nice! 

Cold and Tired

I'm so cold and tired. But I have to study.
And I am so disappointed I can't put my photos in here, because apparently my Mac isn't compatible...=(
That is saddening.

Thoughts

I have the greatest desire to search and to gather up all that I can carry in my arms. And I have the desire to find all that I need to find to grow, to stretch, to become more...I have that desire. And I want to dance. I do. I want to dance so free. And there are the answers I seek and I am so impatient sometimes. I forget to embrace the questions.

Couldn't Care Less by The Cardigans

oh, my heart can't carry much more
i'ts really really aching and sore
my heart don't care anymore
i really can't bear more

my hands don't work like before
i shiver and scrape at your door
my heart can't carry much more
but you couldn’t care less, could you?

your face don't look like before
its really not like yours anymore
your eyes don't like me no more
they quiver and they shift to the floor

my heart don't beat like before
it's never been this slow
no, my blood don't flow anymore
and you couldn’t care less, could you?

could we stop and sleep for a spell
we can turn this ditch into a well
and send that old devil back to hell
but we really don't care, do we?

baby, let's stop and sleep for a spell
we can turn this ditch into a well
and send that old devil back to hell

your back's not straight like before
you really shouldn't carry me no more
i'm much too heavy for you
i'm really quite a mess, yes,

we just don't care anymore
we're crooked and we're cut to the core
we're just not there anymore
but we really don't care, do we?

no, we couldn't care less
we couldn't care less, could we?

Alone, oh, alone I am this night
How I wish, oh, I do wish
for lips to kiss
for heartbeat to listen to....
oh how I dream
oh how I reach into the dark
starry sky
Oh when?
do I ask
When?
For I am weary from waiting
and impatient for a pair of arms
to wrap themselves around my being
for a pair of eyes to look deep into my soul.

A falling star
ruptures with insanity
spreading fiery light
in its wake.

Sad Girl

I'm just the sad girl with tears in her eyes and a half smile. It's so lonely out here waiting for you. And yet I wait for something...anything, to make the tears and sadness melt away.

Starting Over

There comes a time when one just needs to be alone. So here I am, starting over alone, finding somewhere I can grieve on my own.
These GrooveLily lyrics do a beautiful job of describing where I am.
Little Light© Milburn/Vigoda 2000
I always thought I'd set the world on fireWith my dreams as kindling, the match was my desireNow the rain won't stop And as I try to light this sodden wood I learnThis was never in the blueprintThis was never part of my planI've been struggling here foreverAnd everybody's running past me to the dry landI see all the other torchesLighting up the nightI am right here with my matches burning bright
And no one needs my little lightNo one needs my little lightNo one needs my little light
With my coat turned up, my back against the rainI will cup my hands to shield this fragile flameThere's a bonfire blazing just around the bendAnd it would be so easy to toss my match right inAll my friends are there togetherWarmth, safety and a soup canI've been struggling here foreverAnd everybody's running past me to the dry landI see all the other torchesLighting up the nightI am right here with my matches burning bright

I'll be shining like a beaconWhen the other embers are dyingI'll be flying like an eagleBurning up the skyline, or die tryingIt's a lonely mission and a solitary fightBut I will stay here with my matches burning bright
If no one needs my little lightIf no one needs my little lightIt's there for me, my little lightI'll never leave my little light