Is there a lesson to be learned in silence, in bareness, in the winters of life?
Well, that may seem to be a silly question. There are lessons to learn in all aspects of life. But, especially in the slowing of life. Isn't it interesting that all creatures need peace? Animals must take their rest, trees cannot hold their leaves forever. Glory is neatly tucked away and we all grow a little weary.

Or do we?
I was a contradiction today in winter's embrace. I took a walk in today's gray morning. I love gray days. They are somber and perfect for contemplation. My mind was racing with thoughts of yesterday's mistakes and tomorrow's demands. But then, I looked up and noticed. The trees were bare and they were beautiful that way. They are whole and great even without their leaves. I have always admired the way tree branches sway gracefully against the night, creating such elegant silhouettes against the sky. I am absolutely in love with the Linden outside my bedroom window. She guards me. Our souls are one. Oh, as always, I digress. But, as I was saying. I noticed and it hit me. I used to be carried away in wonderment and I feel that I have let that wonderment go. I must have walked for a good couple of avenues before I looked up at the graceful poses of the branches. One tree's branches reached directly upward and it reminded me of how someone's hair would look if they had been struck by lightning. Okay, so I am slightly evil for finding that amusing...

Oh yes, back to the lessons. My mind was racing and the simplicity of winter reminded me to just stop and take the world in.

Three Little Birds

Even a day filled with errands, studying, and getting organized is filled with magic.
As I sat down to write an e-mail to my Bone Lab professor about working in the lab during break, I saw three greyish-brown birds seated softly outside my window. Their bellies were soft and puffed out. It seemed like they were resting warmly even in the winter cold. I was in awe of them. They were sitting so close to me. We were just separated by my window. I don't recall ever seeing birds like those before. I wish I knew which kind they were. I just recently began to notice them hanging around my backyard.
Well, as I sat down, two of them were scared away. But the last one was so nonchalant. It just sat there looking around, not caring about me being there. Then alas, some bird called out in urgency, catching this bird's attention. And off he flew.

Love was what I really needed all along. But how can it be that I never truly realized exactly how much?

It never made sense
the way you'd cross your
eyes and stumble your way forward -
you silly man, silly, silly man.
Why would you blur the edges of reality
into a senseless fog of reverse creation?
I never understood your music,
but I was moved nonetheless.
Farmer man,
sowing your seeds the only way you can.
A Shaman weaving magic in thin air.
I can see the fire in your belly -
quiet man on fire.
Peaceful man, wise man
walking Earth with your hands inside your heart.
Breaking nothing, imposing on nothing.
Oh, you'll be proud sir.
Today I walked in the forest
and dipped my toes into the earth,
like a tree knowing it was home.
I was reaching my hands out to the sky,
waking, stirring far and wide.
And laughing, laughing, laughing.
Silly girl, silly, silly girl to the world.

Pathetic Attempt to Humor Self

Today's most Humbling Moments:

1. Realizing I left the lab oven on for 3 days straight at 800 C and may have to face the possibility of having burned down my school. (FUCK!)
2. I almost ran a child over today. But honestly, what was he doing running into the middle of the street? I should have gotten out of the car and kicked his scrawny ass. On second thought, where the fucking fuck were his parents? I should have gotten out of the car, asked him where he lives and thrown doggy poo at his parents....

Today's Random Fact:
1. Kiwi's are really good and you can eat them without peeling off the skin by scooping the fruit out with a spoon. (Yay!)

Today's Most Regrettable Fact:
1. I have four papers due in a week. All of which I have yet to begin. (FUCK!)

Today's Conclusion:
I say FUCK too much.

ColorQuiz.com Results:

Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship, or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.

Feels that life has far more to offer and that there are still important things to be achieved--that life must be experienced to the fullest. As a result, she pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity that will not let go of things. Becomes deeply involved and runs the risk of being unable to view things with sufficient objectivity, or calmly enough; is therefore in danger of becoming agitated and of exhausting her nervous energy. Cannot leave things alone and feels she can only be at peace when she has finally reached her goal.

Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.
Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.
Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of experience. Wants to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt, to win, and to live intensely. Likes contacts with others and is enthusiastic by nature. Receptive to anything new, modern, or intriguing; has many interests and wants to expand her fields of activity. Optimistic about the future.

The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity.