Somewhere in between medical school and now, I seem to have
grown up. Like I went from being a 21-year old idealist to a 75-year old jaded
old woman. Medical school crushed my hopes about medicine and residency finished
off the damage. Somehow I ended up in a pile of ashes, trying to make something
out of the smoke and fog after the fire. The years of misery seemed to crawl by
even though I felt like I was in the center of a tornado the entire time. At
the end of it all, I was dumped in the middle of nowhere trying to pick up the
pieces and figure it all out – sort of like a shell-shocked soldier. Out of
battle yet still punching, fighting. Who is the enemy now? Myself, I guess. For
months after residency I would have nightmares. The rage filled me to my core.
But now what? Where do I go from here?
